It is not so much a conversion story, but rather, as Muslims believe that everyone is born a Muslim and may later in life, after having wandered, "revert" to Islam, this is a kind of "reversion" story. Something you often hear from converts to the LDS faith is that when they first heard of the some of the unique doctrines of the Church, something "clicked." Often you will hear a comment such as, "It sounded strangely familiar." And so it begins. Yes, that was my experience also.
I
was raised in a Roman Catholic home, but religion in my family was a
Sunday-only activity while the rest of the week was taken up by "real
life." After I left home to attend college, I soon drifted away from
Catholicism, but I seriously examined other faiths and often studied
the Bible. I was looking for a path to follow to bring me closer to
God but there were so many different religious institutions and
leaders teaching so many different doctrines that I eventually came
to believe that all faiths were nothing more than the "traditions
of men" and that no one had any real knowledge of God.
In the meantime I
got an education, entered the work force, married, and had a son. I
filled up my spiritual emptiness with alcohol. I still read the
Bible and occasionally went to Mass or visited various Protestant
churches but didn't find whatever it was I was looking for. The
years went by and as I grew older and reflected upon my life and the
lives of most other people I knew, it was clear to me that if there
was a purpose or meaning to life, I had utterly failed to discover
it.
In the summer of
1993, I vacationed on Beaver Island in Lake Michigan. A Mormon
colony had been established there in the 1850s by James Strang, one
of several individuals who had claimed the leadership of the church
after the death of Joseph Smith. I knew nothing about Mormonism but
because of my interest in the Beaver Island colony, I began to read
about the history of the Mormon people and eventually became
acquainted with the doctrines and practices of the LDS church, many
of which I felt greatly attracted to. There was that unsettling feeling of familiarity. But I dismissed the story of
Joseph Smith and the Book of Mormon without bothering to learn much
about it.
But my fascination
with Mormonism continued unabated. I admired the Mormon people but
considered myself totally dead to the sort of faith necessary to
actually join any religious group. However, I truly envied anyone
who had what I thought to be a “simple faith” and who found
truth, hope, and meaning within it.
I thought that I
was basically a good person, but I felt a desire to be more
"Christ-like”. I was disappointed and discouraged by how far I
fell short of this ideal. I wanted to be the kind of person Jesus
was, at least in my imagination. But I wasn't very enthusiastic
about trying to be more caring, generous, and humble. That was hard.
And I when I tried, I failed again and again.
What was missing
in my life was a true understanding of Jesus Christ -- not as a mere
figure from the remote past who was exceptionally wise and brave and
loving, but as a divine being who suffered, died, and rose from the
dead, and who lives now so that I -- and all the people of the earth
-- may put our complete trust and faith in Him and overcome our
limitations and weaknesses and indeed become like Him.
My wife and I
lived for many years in a house across the street from an
apartment complex where the the LDS missionaries lived. I would see them
walking around town now and then, and I promised myself that if they
ever knocked on my door, I would sit down and have a talk with them.
They came a few times, but I was never at home.
One day, after I
got home from work, my wife said, "The missionaries were here.
At first I thought they were Jehovah's Witnesses and I was going to
send them away, but then I realized they were Mormons. I told them
about all the books you have about Mormonism and they got really
excited. So I told them to come back tomorrow evening."
Well, I wanted to
stay true to the promise I had made myself, so I made sure I was home
the next evening when they arrived. I was expecting the usual pair
of elders that I'd always seen walking around the neighborhood, but behold, there were three of them -- and they were sister missionaries!
I sat down with the sisters and we talked about faith. All along I had been expecting
"faith" to just happen to me. The sisters taught me that
faith is a decision that I must make every day. It can be nurtured
and grown but this requires daily attention and effort. I read Alma
32 and my mind was enlightened. The sisters asked me to come to
church, so I did.
These sister
missionaries were examples to me of how to live a Christ-like life.
They were simply amazing people -- so full of charity and the love of
Christ, and totally devoted to proclaiming the Gospel. Later, when I
related how my interest in Mormonism began with a vacation to a
remote island in Lake Michigan in 1993, it was pointed out to me that
all three of these sister missionaries had been born in 1993. I
experienced many meaningful "coincidences" like that --
once noticed, they can't be ignored – and this encouraged me and
gave me confidence that I was making the right decision in joining
the Church.
In all my years of reading about the history and doctrines of the Restoration, I had never actually read the Book of Mormon. Now, I read the Book
of Mormon attentively, guided by the missionaries. I was soon convinced that Joseph Smith couldn't
have written it himself; and all the theories about other people
writing it, or that it was plagiarized from existing manuscripts,
seemed to me to be obvious hogwash. I now believe that regardless of
the precise details of how the Book of Mormon was produced, it came
to us through Joseph Smith from a divine realm.
I was praying to
get a spiritual witness or testimony about the truth of the Book of
Mormon, but it wasn't coming. This did not discourage me, however.
I had a love for the doctrines of the Restoration and a love for my
brothers and sisters in Christ. I watched the October 2013 General
Conference, and Sister Oscarson, the Young Women's President,
gave a talk about conversion, in which she stated that true
conversion occurs over a long period of time, as we act upon the
doctrines of the gospel and put them into daily practice. For me, it was the right message at the right time.
As my baptismal
date approached, I was still concerned that I didn’t have an
adequate testimony, so I asked Heavenly Father very directly and
insistently to provide me with some direction. That night I dreamed
that I gave a priesthood blessing to one of my co-workers. And so, even though my testimony was not what I imagined it should be, my
hesitation about entering into my baptismal covenants vanished. His sheep know His voice.
O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?
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